My wife went red on holiday in the North-East.
Saltburn?
Sunburn!
Freemantle
My wife's gone to South-West Australia to get a shelf for the fireplace.
Freemantle?
No, she's paying for it.
Bath
My wife got very dirty when travelling around the towns in the Avon Valley.
Bath?
That would have helped.
Clermont-Ferrand
My wife went to the Auvèrnhe region of France and visited one of its oldest cities.
Clermont-Ferrand?
Pardon? No, there weren't any ex-Liberal Democrat MPs there.
Camp David
My wife and her effeminate friend visited the American Presdential retreat.
Camp David?
That's the fella!
Iona
Your wife said you were too possessive so she's gone away to Inner Hebrides.
Iona...
I see what she means!
Hull
My wife took her sailing dingy up to a town on the River Humber to get it repaired.
Hull?
No, the mast.
Windermere
My wife went to a bookshop in the Lake district to buy "The Day of the Triffids".
Windermere?
That's what the sign said.
Brighton
My wife's gone to visit her gifted brother in an East Sussex seaside town.
Brighton?
He certainly is!
Canary Wharf
My wife went to a dog show in the Canary Wharf area of London.
Isle of Dogs...
So does she; that's why she went.
Lincoln
My wife met two friends in Lincoln and then went on a boat trip up the river.
Witham?
No, her friends stayed behind.
Amazon
My wife took a barge-load of builder's tools up the river in Brazil.
Amazon?
Every kind of tool you can imagine!
(well, it works if you pronounce it the right way...)
Stourbridge
My wife couldn't think of the name of that famous bridge across the Thames in London when she was in a pub quiz in a town on the edge of the Black Country in the West Midlands of England.
Stourbridge.
Well I know that and you know that, but she couldn't think of it!
Reedham
My wife went to a village on the River Yare, Norfolk, to buy some books.
Reedham?
Yes, she did.
Mendham
My wife broke her high heels walking around the village birthplace of the famous Royal Academy artist Sir Alfred Munnings (renowned as one of England's finest painters of horses) in the beautiful Waveney Valley close to the Norfolk border.
Mendham?
The local cobbler says he can.
Needham
My wife asked me to send her high heel shoes down to where she's staying in a small village on the river Waveney in Norfolk.
Needham?
She must do, otherwise she wouldn't have asked.
Tanzania
My wife's gone to the east coast of Africa to get some sun cream.
Tanzania?
Tan's everywhere.
Wellington
My wife's going to New Zealand to buy some boots.
Wellington?
Well, she's hoping to get something more stylish than that.
Eton
My wife met some cannibals at a famous public school in Windsor.
Eton?
No, they'd already had dinner.
Caerphilly
How do Welsh haemophiliacs cut their cheese?
Sorry, wrong blog.Go to Richard's Riddles at http://richardsriddles.blogspot.com
Cardigan
My wife bought some new clothes in a southwest Wales market town in the Pembrokeshire Peninsula.
Cardigan?
No, but she got a blouse and a skirt.
New Jersey
When my wife was in America she bought some clothes in Newark.
New Jersey?
No, but she got a blouse and a skirt.
Singapore
My wife went to a pop concert somewhere in the Malay peninsular.
Singapore?
Yes, and the guitar was out of tune as well.
Alaska
I'd like to ask my wife to visit the frozen north with me, but I'm a bit shy.
Alaska?
Would you?
Chile
My wife says it's too cold in England so she's going to Santiago for the winter.
Chile?
Yes, that's why she's going.
Toulouse
My wife's gone gambling in the Midi-Pyrénées région of France.
Toulouse?
No, she's hoping to win.
Congo
My wife went to a central African republic for her holiday.
Congo?
No, she left the fifty-foot gorilla at home.
(I like this one - I don't care what anyone else says!)
Fishguard
My wife works in an aquarium in Pembrokeshire.
Fishguard?
No, she's not in the security department.
Labrador
My wife bought a dog in the region of Atlantic Canada across the Straight of Belle Isle from the island of Newfoundland.
Labrador?
No, it was a poodle.
Bombay
My wife flew over the most populous city in India in an old World War 2 plane.
Bombay?
No, she travelled in the cockpit.
Little Rock
My wife went on holiday to the principal city of Arkansas,
Little Rock?
Well, not as much as in Blackpool.
Arkansas
My wife got a job as a lumberjack in Little Rock.
Arkansas?
That's what she told them in the interview.
The Garden of Ireland
My wife's hurricane lamp went out when she went camping in that area called "The Garden of Ireland" just south of Dublin.
Wicklow?
That could have been the problem.
Newquay
My wife can't get the front door unlocked in that flat she bought in that town on the north Cornish coast.
Newquay?
I suppose she could try that.
Dublin
My wife went to the capital of Ireland once two years ago, and twice last year, and this year she's going four times.
Dublin?
She seems to be!
Uganda
My wife insulted me by calling me a male goose, so I sent her to Kampala.
Uganda?
Don't you start!
Saddleworth
My wife went horse riding on that famous moor near Manchester.
Saddleworth?
About fifty quid I reckon.
Nice
My wife's relative is going to a city in the Provence-Alpes Cote d'Azur region of France.
Nice?
No, cousin actually.
Isle of White
My wife can't decide what colour hat to buy for her holiday in that island where Cowes is.
Isle of White.
I prefer yellow myself.
Cowes
My wife and the mother-in-law are going to the Isle of White.
Cowes?
Oh, they're not so bad really.
Stockport
My wife told me to store many bottles of fortified wine from the Portugese Douro Valley in a warehouse in that town south of Manchester.
Stockport.
That's what she said!
Scottish Towns
My wife's visiting all the towns in Scotland in alpahbetical order...
Dundee?
Not yet.
Idaho
My wife stole my gardening implements and fled to the potato capital of America.
Idaho!
She's stolen yours as well, huh?
Wrexham
My wife ruined my car since she drove it through that town on the A534 into Wales.
Wrexham?
She certainly does!
Dubai
My wife runs a market stall in the capital of the United Arab Emirates.
Dubai.
That's what she says to all the tourists!
Ukraine
My wife keeps insulting me by calling me bird names, so I sent her to Kiev.
Ukraine?
Don't you start!
Bucharest
The doctor told my wife she was overworked and recommended that she make a hotel reservation in Rumania.
Bucharest?
That's what he told her.
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